Colonial Courtship

Although all processes of colonial courtship involved only adults, different community traditions caused variations of courtship and marriage customs. Community traditions were often affected by the colonists’ cultural backgrounds, including religion and geographic location prior to immigration.

The majority of colonists in the frontier or backcountry colonies originated from Scotland and Ireland. As a result, their practices were based on the Scottish-Irish tradition of "abducting" the bride (who had previously given consent). The groom and his friends would steal the bride away from her home and to the ceremony. These frontier and backcountry weddings were quite festive and accompanied with drinking and dancing.

In contrast to the frontier and backcountry colonists, Puritans did not view marriage as occasion for festivities nor as a religious or sacred union. A marriage served strictly as a civil contract and was conducted in a simple civil ceremony that ended in a quiet dinner. Marriage was preceded by a supervised period of courting that included rather strange practices. For example, the couple was often given a long tube called a courting stick. The man and woman would whisper to each other through the tube while the rest of the family was in another room. What excitement! Another unusual custom was "bundling." The couple would share a bed for the night, but with a large wooden board, called a bundling board, separating their bodies and preventing any exciting physical contact. Scandalous! When the couple was ready to get married, they were required to subject their proposal of marriage to the scrutiny of Puritan leaders, who would either object or approve of their union.

Similarly, Quaker couples needed the approval of their Quaker community before getting married. Marriages followed one of the most extensive courtship processes in all the colonies, one which involved 16 steps. Despite, or perhaps because of, the lengthy courting phase, Quaker women occasionally backed out of the marriage at the last minute.

Southern slaves followed their own courtship customs as well. One was the "jumping the broomstick" ceremony. The bride and groom would jump over a broomstick to symbolize their procession from courtship to marriage.

Love was not often considered an important criterion in marriages, and courtship in Virginia was no exception. Although marriage was considered a sacred union, it was also more of a business transaction of properties than the pairing of soulmates. Consequently, parents were deeply involved in courtship to ensure the most fiscally secure marriage for their respective child.

-Noelle