Courtship, Colonial Style

The many different colonies formed between 1630 and 1763 had vastly different cultures, representing their different ancestry and lifestyles. Perhaps one of the clearest examples of their diversity is their various paths to marriage. Although all of these people limited dating to young adults and grown men and women, their courting varied greatly.

In the rugged backcountry, a man would "steal" a wife from her family (who knew about it before), as per tradition. These mainly Scot-Irish colonists had based theirconcept on an "abduction" ceremony of the past. The following wedding would be filled with wild drinking and dancing as the bride, groom, and their friends celebrated. Almost every person eneded up married, and the age to marry was far younger, with little difference between the age of brides and grooms.

On the other hand, in Virginia (one of the earliest colonies), marriage was a sacred and religious union. Love was unnecessary; on the other hand, the exchange of property and money between the parents took high priority. These marriages were far more civilized than the backcountry parties; the new couples had to keep up countless social graces in their new lives together. Oddly, although nearly all women married, one-fourth of all men never did. In addition, first-cousin marraiges and large age differences (10+ years) were allowed. Divorce was illegal in Virginian colonies.

Puritans took marriage as neither religious or sacred, but a civil contract. The strict customs prevented courting between a couple without the supervision of their parents. In addition, to dissuade pre-marital sexual relations, the Purtitans adapted interesting practices-- such as a "courting stick" tube to allow two loves to talk between rooms, and a "bundling board" placed between two lovers in bed. Before the actual marriages, leaders of the meeting house were allowed to voice any opinions. Following the test was a simple civil ceremony and dinner, neither with the grace of Virginia or the celebration of the backcountry. Most men and women married, and their was little age difference. Unlike with the Virginians, first cousin marriages were discouraged. Divorce, suprisingly, was legal.

The Quakers followed a very communalistic lifestyle; as a result, their marriages needed the permissions of the entire community. To gain the approval of large group, the lovers needed to complete a long, 16-step courtship. Even with this all out of the way, many Quaker women were known to reject their men. Almost a fifth of the women were single, and first-cousin marriages were forbidden. Divorce was strictly illegal.

In the case of slaves in the South, many of the customs followed by white colonists in other cultures would be impossible. Instead, African slaves took on their own customs, some based on those of Africa and some innovated to fit their harsh conditions. For example, their was a custom of plantation slave couples "jumping the broom stick" to complete their marriage.

These different customs are only of the sample of the many conventions-- simple or complicated, religious or civil, graceful or rowdy-- that young couples underwent to hold each others hand in marriage.